In every family, friend group, or community, there are people who, knowingly or not, make it their mission to pour cold water on someone else’s spark. Whether it’s a new parenting approach, a creative side project, or even just a different way of thinking — discouragement often comes disguised as “advice,” “concern,” or even “realism.”
But here’s the thing most people don’t realize: trying to discourage someone with a strong vision doesn’t usually shut them down. — it activates their defiance !
Let me give you a quick example to illustrate my point.
Years ago, I was young, a friend of mine — who, incidentally, had rushed to enroll in the same academic program as me — tried to talk me out of pursuing any artistic ambitions. Ironically, her discouragement only made me more determined to enroll in evening classes at a prestigious art school in Paris.
At the time, I was hesitating. I was struggling to find the motivation. But the moment she gave me a negative opinion, something along the lines of “You’ll never make it,” I sprang into action. I got up at 5 a.m. to fill out my application, took the train, and went to sit for the entrance exam. I ended up staying there for two years — working during the day and learning drawing, sculpture, and more at night.
A similar thing happened years later when a former close friend criticized the books I was writing. I had numerous books published but I was so busy with my new child, I was 40 then, a young mother, and, also, she seemed to resent the fact that I had bought a large pink house in a spa town — she was convinced I was living some kind of “Dolce Vita.”
Her attitude didn’t discourage me — it had the opposite effect! It’s been a kind of magic! It pushed me to write even more. That year, I published three books, one of which was picked up by a respected publishing house — a traditional publisher, not self-publishing…
So why does this happen, psychologically?
Honestly, most of the successes in my life have followed this pattern: the moment someone tries to discourage me, I double down and throw myself even more fiercely into making my desires come true. I do love being discouraged by others!
The Psychology of Resistance
Humans are wired for agency. When someone tries to strip that away with criticism or doubt, many people — especially those with a certain depth of resilience — don’t give up. They dig in. They push harder. They have to prove something now, not just to others, but to themselves.
This is especially true for parents. Parenthood sharpens our instincts, deepens our emotions, and often amplifies our drive to stand up for what we believe is best for our children. When someone attempts to undermine that, they awaken a protective force that won’t be easily silenced.
In psychology, this is known as reactance — the natural response when someone feels their freedom of choice is being threatened. Instead of compliance, the result is often rebellion. The more someone tells you “You can’t,” the more your brain looks for ways to prove that you can.
Time Isn’t Defeat — It’s Rebuilding
Of course, discouragement sometimes hits its target. Even the strongest individuals can stumble, doubt themselves, or feel destabilized. But that’s not failure. It’s recalibration.
What looks like giving up is often just a pause. People who’ve been shaken may need time — to lick their wounds, rethink their approach, or rediscover their motivation. But once they’ve processed the noise, they come back stronger. Clearer. Quieter, perhaps — but even more determined.
This is why attempts to crush someone’s vision rarely succeed long-term. The pause isn’t the end. It’s part of the process.
For the One Who’s Been Discouraged
If you’re reading this and feel cornered by constant doubt — maybe from relatives who don’t understand your parenting choices, or from voices in your life that always seem to expect you to fail — let this be a reminder: you’re not the problem.
The world can be uncomfortable with those who try something different. But discomfort isn’t a sign you should stop — it’s often proof that you’re doing something meaningful.
Don’t confuse resistance from others with a lack of value in your ideas. Sometimes, it’s just fear — fear of change, fear of being left behind, or fear of facing their own limitations.
Let People Talk — and Keep Going
There’s a quiet power in letting others talk while you keep building. Let them underestimate you. Let them think they’ve shaken your foundation. And while they talk, you work.
Parenting, like any meaningful path, is full of critics. But in the end, it’s not their voice that raises your child, builds your dream, or shapes your identity — it’s yours.
So whether you’re forging a new way as a parent, starting a side hustle, or simply daring to live life on your own terms: don’t waste energy on those who try to stop you.
They usually don’t realize they’re just adding fuel to your fire!
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