In today’s fast-paced, achievement-driven world, young people are increasingly exposed to rivalries, jealousy, and relentless comparisons. Social media, academic pressures, and the race for material success exacerbate these feelings, leading to anxiety, self-doubt, and even despair. But it is crucial to teach children and teenagers that success is not a one-size-fits-all concept and, more importantly, that the wind always turns.
I am Céline, a French therapist and writer. In my practice, I see young people whose lives are sometimes disrupted by rivalries with their peers or childhood friends, particularly those in college. This morning, I felt it was important to talk to you about this phenomenon. And as always, I love using real-life examples because they tend to stick with you. Let me tell you the story of B., a high school friend with whom I had a funny, pleasant, and trouble-free relationship—until one day, she decided to turn me into her worst enemy…
In high school, despite rather average grades because I only invested in the subjects I liked most (literature, philosophy, and the arts), I was perceived as a true “intellectual.” My teachers, in consultation with my parents, sent me to take logic tests with a psychologist. The result: an IQ of 140. However, despite this, since I was deeply interested in therapy and art, I didn’t pursue a singular, prestigious academic path. I dabbled in everything: an initial university program in Art History, then a BTS in Communication, a post-BTS year in Communication and Information, a fourth year in Management, and finally, I enrolled in Theology for three years before training in therapy. At 24, I was just starting to work.
My friend B., on the other hand, chose a very short academic path and landed an entry-level job in a large company that paid quite well. When she visited me and my fiancé at the time, I was 24 years old. She was apparently impressed by our apartment. She noticed I had changed: I had grown my hair out, dyed it blonde, and lost a few pounds. She started making remarks. The only thing she could criticize me for was that I was job-hunting, unemployed at the time, and conducting surveys during the day to pay the bills. In front of my fiancé, she began to belittle me, suggesting I join her company as a receptionist, among other things. I reminded her that I wasn’t interested. I was looking for a proper job in communication, and if I couldn’t find one, I’d start my own business.
Then, I lost contact with her for five years. By then, I had a new partner, was engaged to my future husband, had lost more weight, gotten in shape, and had just interviewed a French television star. When she realized this, while we were on the Champs-Élysées in Paris, she started attacking me: “What? How are you a journalist? Weren’t you doing surveys?” I maintained a distant connection with her through social media. She became very jealous when I had my children, but since I wasn’t married at the time, she called me “unstable.” A year later, we got married on the lawn of the Parc Floral de Paris, surrounded by flowers and peacocks. She blacklisted me in anger.
This girl, who portrayed herself as the “perfect worker” and prided herself on being better than others, judged her happiness based on my actions. Today, many of the friends who once belittled me lead very routine lives and don’t own property. I’m fortunate, thanks to using my brain, to own two houses—one that I rent seasonally and use for vacations. I live in a beautiful 1930s townhouse in a spa town and have a very rewarding job. Interestingly, I realize that those who criticized me, likely out of jealousy, now have monotonous lives, and their perspective on life is quite bitter.
What’s important to note is that, in the face of these attacks—motivated, I know, by envy—envy of having an upstanding husband, beautiful children, an exciting career, visibility as an author, or even a large home in a spa town and a country vacation home—I never abandoned my empathy toward her. I understand that jealousy can be pathological for some people.
When you’re young and a bit scattered, they see you as someone who validates their own superiority. But when their so-called “foil” surpasses them, their little inner world collapses. What they found wonderful in their own life yesterday suddenly loses its meaning; only what you possess now informs their perspective.
Be empathetic, because they are genuinely unwell!
The tides do turn, you see! It’s not about boasting of having done better (I don’t even see it that way, as my job is relatively light—I only work a few hours a day, and it’s my husband’s more lucrative career that brings in the bulk of our income). Rather, it’s about having stayed true to my dreams and myself despite external pressures. That’s what really matters!
Understanding Success on Your Own Terms
One of the first lessons we can impart to children is that success is deeply personal. For some, it may mean climbing the corporate ladder; for others, it could be pursuing a passion, building meaningful relationships, or making a difference in their community. Teach them that comparing themselves to others is like comparing apples to oranges: each life path has its unique flavor and purpose.
Consider this example: a young artist might feel overshadowed by a classmate who excels in academics. The temptation to feel “less than” can be overwhelming. However, the artist’s talent and creativity could one day lead to a fulfilling career, even if it doesn’t follow the traditional markers of success. Helping children focus on their strengths and interests can shield them from the destructive effects of jealousy and comparison.
The Ever-Changing Nature of Life
Another vital truth to share is that life is rarely linear. Situations change, opportunities arise, and challenges come and go. The popular child in school may struggle later in life, while the quiet, underestimated one may bloom unexpectedly. This ebb and flow are part of life’s natural rhythm.
A powerful illustration of this is the story of a successful entrepreneur who was once a struggling student. In school, their peers mocked their poor grades, but years later, their determination and creativity led to a thriving business. Teaching children that “the wind always turns” can give them hope during tough times and remind them to stay humble during successes.
Practical Tips for Parents
- Celebrate Individuality: Encourage your child to explore their passions and talents, emphasizing that their worth isn’t determined by how they compare to others.
- Foster Gratitude: Teach them to appreciate their journey, including its challenges. Gratitude can counteract jealousy and promote resilience.
- Lead by Example: Share your own experiences of overcoming rivalries or reframing your view of success. Personal stories can inspire and reassure them.
- Encourage Empathy: Help them understand that others may also feel insecure or struggle with comparisons, fostering compassion over competition.
By teaching our children to embrace their individuality and understand that life’s winds constantly shift, we equip them to navigate a complex world with confidence and grace. Remind them that their journey is their own—and that’s where its beauty lies.
